An Open Heart

It has been 6 days since we gave Baby Bird to her new mother, but it feels like a lifetime. It helps that we were in a hotel, in a unknown city. If it had been home, that would be awful. Even yesterday, finally putting things away from our trip out there, putting the baby stuff into storage for our forever baby, it felt bitter sweet. Fortunately, holding on to the sweet memory of my time with her has overpowered my grief and disappointment. And worry. I worry about her. I know she will be loved and given great opportunities in her life - but will they love her as much as we love her? The answer is probably yes, and I need to let that go. But I do check my email everyday, because her birthmother's sister and I have been communicating, and I secretly hope they will change their mind - and I'd find out about it as email from the sister? Not likely, but anyway....

Talking with a good friend yesterday about my fear that how will I ever love another baby so much. She hasn't been through adoption, but she is the mother of 2 kids. And I realized with her, that my fear is just what a lot of mom's fear with their 2nd child. Of course their heart opens up even more for the next child. My friend said, "there's always enough". That was reassuring.

An on-line buddy said of her failed adoption: "I have tucked him away in a special corner of my heart as he the little angel who opened it forever." It is so true. I had a taste of parenting those 6 days, and I never knew my heart could be so open - it is so wonderful. I always heard from people it is the hardest thing and most wonderful thing - being a mother. Now I know it is true. I have lived a lifetime in these past couple of weeks, and I am so much wiser and richer because of it.