Yesterday we were given the option to meet a family due in June. Another potential match.
This didn't come entirely out of the blue - I had heard from their midwife just as things were looking grim for keeping Baby Bird. I told the midwife I'd call in a few days. Well last night she called and said they were moving to Hawaii next week, and wanted to meet us ASAP - as in this morning at 9.
She gave me some background info on them, and it sounded good to me. My big question was whether it was too soon to jump into a new situation. And it would be an independent adoption, so none of that nice safety net and hand-holding I've been enjoying with our agency.
When S came home, he looked at my notes about the family and immediately said "no way". What followed next was an hour of yelling, snide comments, walking away, coming back to make the same point again and again. (His were the snide comments, mine were all the other behaviors.) His concern was some mental health issues with the dad that I didn't even think twice about. Finally we sat down together, agreed that we could potentially be ready emotionally, but I needed to listen to S's concerns. 5 minutes of internet research on the % chance of the child developing similar problems showed me he was right.
We passed on the match. This morning, I feel curious about the situation, but not regretful for not pursuing it, so I guess we made the right decision.
Any of you working on adoption who are jealous of all these potentials that have come my way, just remember my arms are still as empty as yours. And just because I think of her everyday (and in my dream this morning was covering her with kisses), here is a pic of Miss Super Cute.
8 comments:
Wow. I never knew that things would happen so quickly. I'm glad that you and DH were able to come to an agreement on this one. I'm very, very hopeful for you. :)
It is a rollercoaster, huh? I'm trying to enjoy the ride. I remind myself that there IS a forever baby at the end, and that I like rollercoasters. :p
We find that Andrew is the voice of reason on our boundaries, too, because if it were up to me I'd be open to anything and damn the consequences. I think that is a valuable dynamic to have in this thing - someone who is the voice of compassion and possibility, and someone who is the voice of reason and practicality. Overall it will make for good choices as you go up and down on this ride! ♥
Ahhh, some days "roller coaster" doesn't even begin to describe this process. For one thing, a roller coaster is mostly fun/exhilarating, and only lasts a couple of minutes, LOL!
I am glad you are happy with your decision about that other match, I think it's important to think about things carefully with these sorts of things, but sometimes it can be quite difficult. I guess we all just have to have hope/faith that OUR right babies and right opportunities will come along when and how the should. What else are we to do?
Anyway...I am still thinking of you often, and I will be praying that your next time comes soon!
Melba
Hi G-
sorry it is a rollercoaster, but I am glad you were given lots of info, so you could do that research!
Your baby will come. I hope very soon.
Glad that you and S could find common ground and come to peace with your decision together. In the midst of the roller coaster ride, I hope you have many such moments of clarity and certainty. Of course, even more I am hoping that you step off this ride onto the roller coaster of parenthood very, very soon.
I'm still thinking about you and he very often, too. I hate rollercoaster in real life and am not looking forward to having to deal with things such as this when our time comes.
I'm glad you could get the emotional stuff out and then make an informed decision.
all good wishes and understanding for you.
Oh! I'm so glad you found me again - I lost track of you, too and you have had quite a lot going on! I love the open heart post, and it seems like a perfect quality for a mom-in-waiting.
I won't lose you again!
Gee I don't even know how to start this...I just found you through Melba's blog...my husband and I are in the adoption process(waiting) process that is...
I have just read the last few posts of yours and have tears running down my face...I am so sorry for all the pain you have been going through the last few weeks....
I agree with Melba when she says somedays roller coaster doesn't even come close to describing this process...
I am praying for you and your husband!
m :)
I'm glad I found you!
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