I am grinning from ear to ear after reading all of your comments! Thanks so much for your support. Here's an update ...
We will be going out on Saturday instead of Wednesday, mostly so I can go to a funeral on Friday (some of you caught my post that I then deleted - one of my clients had a late-pregnancy loss this past weekend and it was so awful - the worst thing I ever experienced in my life). Meanwhile, our agency will be working things out with the people at the state so that when we get there we can immediately have temporary custody. Basically, the agency is handling it so it is as sure of a thing as possible for us.
I talked with the birthparents tonight. The mom is sweet and friendly. The dad has an unusual personality, but his first words to me were "thank you so much for adopting her." Um, sure - my pleasure!!! I expressed how grateful we were to have the opportunity. He then said how sad our interrupted adoption was and how they felt really bad for us (the adoption counselor shared that info with them). Talking with the mom was easy, and she is excited to meet us.
I am getting more excited, but mostly it feels surreal and a little unreal. Because we are 5 hours away, we can't just pop over to see her then come back for the funeral. I need the closure of the funeral, and to be able to bawl my eyes out with the family. This little one is in good care in her foster home and can wait another day. But I've been sending her thoughts in consciousness, so that connection will have to sustain us for a little while longer.
There's a part of me that is nervous, that when I meet her I won't know that she IS the baby who is meant for us. As I write that, I realize how ridiculous that sounds. It doesn't always happen right away - it may be a day or it may be a while.
On the lactation front, I stopped the birth control pill last night and started pumping tonight. Now, I'm supposed to pump every 3 hours, plus once at night. I figure I can do it for a few days, then hopefully can convince this little one to try it out. I have a ton of frozen breastmilk from friends, and will use the Lact-Aid system to supplement while baby is at my breast. I feel like if it works, great! If it doesn't, I'm ok with that.
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4 comments:
Well I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend's baby...I did catch that post title, and was concerned about you. I will keep them and you in my thoughts and prayers.
As for little girl...I understand your emotions better than I can say. Michael and I were both pretty afraid we wouldn't instantly love Charlie...or that we wouldn't feel that connection. We talked about it on our way home Thursday night, after getting the call. In our experience that feeling of connection was there right away, but if it's not, just give it the time it needs.
The fact is that she IS a new little person with her own quirks and charms, and you won't know her right away. It's perfectly normal if you feel that on the surface more than an immediate connection. Either way, I hope and pray that it is the "perfect" situation for you.
You will definitely be in my thoughts!!
Hugs,
Melba
I am so sorry for your loss and your friend's loss of her baby and have been thinking of you all since I read that post, but didn't want to comment since you had taken it down. Even though it means a few more days away from your girl, it is important to go to that funeral for you and I'm sure for your client and her family. I will be holding you all in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so excited for you and also to find out how the lactation protocol works - it is so inspiring to me when I hear of women doing it, I can't even tell you. It just rocks my world to think that you are working so hard to create that physical connection with a little one who is coming into your life. Just beautiful.
I am so sorry for your loss and for your friend/client. I read the title and snippet of that post after you had taken it down and was worried. I can only imagine how aweful and heartbreaking that experience is and am sending thoughts of peace to you both.
You have worked so hard for this, I can understand being concerned or anxious about what happens next. I would be too! But I'm sure you will find that connection soon.
How exciting to get to talk to the birth parents and to be so close now. I will be thinking about you and can't wait to hear how it goes.
Hugs.
I'm so sorry for your friend's loss. I think it is amazing you are going to attend this funeral to support your friend before you change your life forever and meet your daughter. I hope it's the most amazing experience of your life. All I can say is that you really can't know what your going to feel, you just have to go with it.
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