The Obvious

When I drew those tarot cards a couple of days ago, my reaction was "those are right on!". My belief with them is that my consciousness chose them, and that my response to them is what I know within myself and need to bring up from the background into the foreground. So, here are the "Obvious" interpretations of them. As I continue to reflect, maybe I will see more. Again, my question when drawing them was "what do I need to know or do for my fertility right now".


The Opportunity: Bindweed, Life out of balance

What is out of balance in your life — what takes more than its fair share of your attention, energy and life force?

I am addicted to stress. I lovingly fill my addiction with a demanding job, and when work is quiet, I become involved in community activities that fulfill that need to be ON.

Work...I am a homebirth Licensed Midwife. I practice independently. I do not have a partner, which means that I am on-call 24/7. Managing someone's prenatal care and birth always brings a low level of stress, even when things are straight forward. Occassionally things are not straight forward, and the stress amps up. But the stress of my clients and at births pales in comparison to the stress of being on-call...all the time. A colleague covers me when I need time off, and I take it -- a week here or there, a couple of hours for a doctor's appointment (or not -- it sucks to get a page during acupuncture), and of course this month of August will be off. Added up through the year, I end up with a good amount of time off. But when that time off comes I am so desperate for it.

Decision: I am considering (wait, I thought I just labeled this a "decision" -- I'm already waffeling) talking with my colleague about arranging me to have every Thursday off from 8am-8pm. This would give me the strength to make it through the rest of the week, knowing that I had one day just to myself. I would use this day to go to doctor appointments as needed, or go up to The Mountain -- hiking in the summer, snowshoeing in the winter -- or the Women's Spa (it does suck to have to get out of the heated pools every 15 minutes to check my pager). I chose Thursday 8-8, because that is a time births rarely happen (babies like to come on the weekends, Tuesdays and at night -- for real), so the chance of missing a client's birth would be minimal. I will talk with my colleague about it when she comes back from vacation. I think she will agree -- afterall, she too has been waiting for 4 years to be my midwife.



The Challenge: The Canoe, Focused on your path

Set aside anything extraneous that would distract you or keep you from completing your task.

The day I drew this card was the day that I resigned from being the chairperson of the sidewalk committee. I also recently resigned from the revitalization committee and the arts council. We live in a very small town, and it needs help. I have been putting a lot of time and effort to help with revitalization efforts and to bring good things to our town. When I miscarried, the lightbulb that had been flickering for the past year finally went on, and I arranged to quit all of that stuff. I really really really need to focus my love and attention and revitalization efforts on myself.

So now the challenge will be to not fill that space with more committments. I created a small space in my small house for me to be creative, and I long to work there on my photoalbumns and sewing and the children's book that is in my mind. I believe nurturing my creativity will filter into all aspects of my life, including my fertility.


The Resolution: The Moon, constant, faithful changes

They retain their "evergreen-ness" by losing their needles slowly and consistently throughout the year, replenishing their individual selves while maintaining the whole.

I smiled when I read constant, faithful changes because it reminded me of my 1st entry in this blog, explaining why evergreens speak to me. Change is necessary, and it doesn't need to be scary, especially if we do it gradually over time. I think that is the only change that really lasts.

The spiritual aspect of this card resonated with me. I know full well that nurturing my spiritual life affects everything in my life, and the only way to truly show myself self-love is to focus on the God Within Me, and give that an opportunity to come forth in my life. Again, beautiful timing for this message, as one of my plans for my August vacation is a 5-day long spiritual retreat.