I read through my previous post and just shook my head at how....I can't even find the words....I am. I have such a hard time letting go and living life for myself. I don't forgive myself.
Thursday morning, I was back on-call for a few hours, as my back-up was very busy. One of my client's water broke, so I had to see her to check things out. S was very upset, because he was sure that I would cancel our trip to stay with her (in my almost-month off, this weekend is the only time he and I will be spending time together). I did not. I saw her for a while in the morning, and then let my back-up take over. She ended up having a c-section. I called to check-in right before I left and got that news.
So I left on my trip worrying about her and her experience. I then went back to that worry off and on over the whole weekend. And then I was hard on myself for not letting it go. I did have a good time, canoeing and hiking and eating s'mores, but in my quiet moments, I kept returning to it.
Now that I am back in town for 2 days, I am debating whether to go see her, or whether to let my back-up see her today. On the one hand, I AM on a break from work, so I shouldn't be working. On the other hand, seeing her and her baby may put me at ease and help me let go of the situation.
What did that Tarot card say? I'm addicted to stress? Naw....
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3 comments:
wow, that is a hard situation. I am glad you went anyway.
If you are still thinking about it, it might be best to just stop by, or call or send a note, so you can move on.
Ah, stress. :)
You are addicted to stress. Enjoy your vacation while you can. Work will always be there when you return.
You are so right hope2morrow.
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