The Clomid Rollercoaster

The past few days I have been under the power of the Clomid monster - that inner bitch that flies off the handle at nothing and then is depressed about everything. It's almost like an out-of-body experience. I watch myself yelling at my husband (we never yell - only when I'm on Clomid!) about some stupid thing, and think "why am I yelling about this, I don't even care about it?"

Yesterday, I had my IUI. I went into it feeling pretty hopeless, but now today, I thought, hey I can accept a miracle in my life, so why not get pregnant on an unlikely cycle? My u/s on Friday showed a giant follicle on my left (32 cm), which may have been a cyst (opposite side as the last 2 cycles' cysts), and small follicles on my right (8-11). My lining was thin but workable at 6.6 mm. The RE drew my blood, which showed I was gearing up to ovulate, so had me trigger and go for the IUI.

I went into the IUI yesterday feeling like I was wasting 395 bucks, but oh well, why not. S & my work schedules this next month won't allow for an IUI in November, so it's now or wait until December. But I was feeling pretty uncomfortable about 24 hours after the trigger, then fine the morning of my IUI, and my temp jumped today, so maybe there really was something in there to ovulate. Who knows. I am not going to try to figure it out. If the doc looked at all the info and thought we should go ahead, then there is a chance. Miracles do happen, and people who aren't supposed to get pregnant do get pregnant all the time. So, I'll accept mine too!

I'm bummed that despite being on estradiol, my lining is still so thin. In the past the estradiol plumped it up to 10-12 mm. The only thing I can think is that I have been moving my blood stagnation and my old blood (dark, clotty periods have turned to bright red periods without clots). After those good measurements, I'd still have scanty flow, so I think maybe part of that 10-12 mm was old, crappy endometrium. I may only have 6.6 mm now, but it is fresh, new endometrium.


Today I am grateful for:
* relief from the Clomid monster and feeling like I have emotional composure again
* my improved attitude on this cycle
* a fresh, healthy endometrium - it may be thin but it's the good stuff!

What I am doing today to take care of myself:
* nice walk with my dogs in the sprinkling rain, mentally reinforcing my healthy, vigorous eggs, welcoming womb, balanced hormones, and friendly cervical fluid
* joining our local gym! I'm going to check it out today