Rantings About My Mom

I am visiting my folks for a week, and feel sheepishly like I need to get out a few thoughts about my Mom.

My mom is a powerful, executive-type, who has mellowed out some in her recent years. She is driven and passionate about her work. She always has been. My whole childhood, Mom worked hard and was defined by who she was in her professional life. My sister and I never felt like we missed anything from that -- her style of being and parenting worked fine for us. Dad was more accessible, but we felt like Mom was involved. So I truly have no issues with being raised by a mom for whom her work was one of her primary foci.

I chose a different route. I chose to take leave from my career for an indeterminate amount of time (though I've never said it, my colleagues and professional friends and clients even call me "retired"). I couldn't have made a better choice for myself, my daughter, my family, and the dreams that S and I had that we put on hold with our both working full-time.

This has been hard on my mom, in some ways. She is very proud of me as a mother. She is supremely proud of the work that I did as a midwife (which is in some ways related to her profession). My choosing to "give it up" to be a SAHM has been hard for her to swallow. She thinks a couple of years is fine, but really has a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that my leave is indefinate, and a couple of years seems way too short to me.

Fast forward to tonight. My dad is the President of his local service club, and tonight was their big annual fundraiser. A visit from Pinecone and I happened to correspond with the big night, so we joined them. Lots of introductions and smiles and breezy comments about my 2-1/2 year old looking for an opportunity to A) win over the crowd, or B) dismantle the whole event. At dinner, I visited with the folks next to me, giving my "background" with a 2 sentence comment on being a midwife, but it being too hard to be on-call with a small child. Then on to my current life: raising my daughter and raising our food. Mom tuned into that last bit only, and felt the need to say pointedly, "Did you tell them about what you did before that?" Meaning, I'm a midwife, and....that's what I should talk about in this situation? Because raising a daughter and raising my own food is NOT as important?

No one knows better than I how amazing and honorable the profession of a midwife is. I am welcomed into families, am involved in their most intimate moments. I hold life in my hands, and at times ward off death. It is no small thing. Who knows that better than I? Only another midwife.

Yet to infer that my current "job" is less important...sigh. I have about worn out all my emotions on this, and feel like I am beginning to just see it as it is and accept it. Her priorities are different than mine. But I am thrilled about my priorities, and have no regrets. If she sees more value in my "profession" that is her own trip. My learning now is to look past that and value her for the loving and giving person that she is. Be an adult, Evergreen, and see her for her own self.