Well, the title says it all. I really like my clients, and most of the time once I am with them I enjoy my time with them being their midwife. But the act of going to work really sucks. Getting my and my baby's life organized so I can go to work sucks. Occassionally being away from my baby for a long time sucks. Not having much time around here for other things -- because any moment S is home to be with PC I am working -- sucks.
But all those things are deal-able, and I think a normal part of being a working mom.
What really sucks is being on-call 24/7, never knowing when I will have to drop everything to go, having to arrange things with my on-call babysitters ***bless them***, and having that constant emotional burdeon of having my time and thoughts belonging to someone other than my family. That last is a very un-p.c. feeling for a homebirth midwife.
And you know what else really sucks? The financial overhead of being a midwife means that my working a reduced schedule so there is as little impact on PC as possible is basically paying for itself but not providing me an income. I love being a midwife, but I am not willing to do it for free. And I am not willing to work more at this point in PC's life.
So we are considering our options. Next year may look very different for our family.
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6 comments:
Oh Evergreen,
I am sorry.
I truly get it. I debated on my own work teaching -- the income I received there would barely cover the cost of infant care -- *sigh*
It is an ongoing project having left behind my 'identity' in part of the work that I'd felt was my life's work to move into this whole new identity.
I just wanted to let you know I understand.
For a several months before Bea came home to us, I was a nanny to two children. Their mother was a mid-wife. Her stresses were your stresses. The unpredictability of it... It's hard. Such a wonderful, rewarding profession, I can imagine, that requires hard sacrifices and tons of dedication from you all.
Ever consider lactation consultation? You and PC's breast feeding journey is so inspiring!
Best of luck!
xoxo,
Nichole
I get it too. It's a bit different for me as I did NOT want to go back to my pre-baby job, but even if I had it would have been very hard on us as a family. It's a long commute, very long. We would have pretty much only seen Blythe during the car ride. It would have sucked.
I feel so incredibly lucky that I'm able to do what I'm doing. So lucky.
Any chance you could edit B's name out of my first comment?
That does sound hard. I'm sorry that you have to give up so much to do part time. Our priorities certainly change when the wee ones arrive. It makes sense that it might be time to re-examine your work schedule. Wish you lots of luck.
I get this too. Not quite in the same way because I've had the gift of flexibility as I've been finishing up my schooling but that is quickly coming to an end. It is HARD, the quest for balance. One of the things that keeps me keeping on is the thought that I need and want to be the best me that I can be for our son. As he gets older, I want him to see that I made difficult choices, but choices that ultimately helped, not only to care for our family, but me to be a happy and fulfilled mother so that I could give that back to him.
One thing's certain, the women you serve are most assuredly grateful for what you do. That certainly counts for something!
Hugs,
Melba
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